Values are rarely discussed or if they are we view them as headline words such as respect or honesty. The trick to understanding your values and what they mean to you, is in a discussion around them.
This discussion challenges your thoughts, ensures that your words are the best words for you to define/guide your decisions either big or small.
Once you understand them, and in turn yourself better, you can feel a sense of calm and incredibly grounded.
I encourage all clients where possible to work on this task. It can be life affirming and in some cases changing. At the very least, it provides understanding and perspective.
Parking Preconceptions
So, first things first, let’s park any preconceptions at the door. When I ask you to consider a sea slug – what pops into your head?
When I asked my husband this, he said, “I don’t know, a slug with a snorkel!?”
Your would be right in thinking slugs are gross, some people are not fans of spiders, I absolutely, with a passion detest slugs. I don’t even care if they are friendly!
But check this out!
I do not expect you thought they looked like this! But if you knew – well done! I would imagine that you would have thought a sea slug looked entirely different. I know I did when I was first shown. The point is, throughout reading this blog and in turn completing the task, I want you to park your preconceptions and I want you to be open and honest with yourself.
Why do we work on values?
For a start, I know that if I have this in my tool kit when I was starting out in life, I definitely would have made better choices for myself. I would have followed my gut more often and that would have prevented me from some cataclysmic failures.
Failure is a whole different conversation but just to note – to fail is ok – this is when you learn – if you are feeling discomfort, you are learning BUT if I had, really and truly honoured my values, I perhaps would have made different decisions.
What is a value?
Values are words in which you transport meaning to. They are what you believe to be important in the way you live and go about your life.
Where do your values come from?
You might be wondering where your values come from. It seems obvious when we say it, but it comes from the people around you.
- Your parents
- Your peers and friends
- Your teachers
- Perhaps others of influence
- The media you consume and
- Your Life Experiences
Considering Values
“Imagine you could do what brings you the greatest joy or the deepest satisfaction; be with people you love, use your natural talents and exploit your gifts to their fullest.”
Have a think – What would this look like for you?
Read that again …
“Imagine you could do what brings you the greatest joy or the deepest satisfaction; be with people you love, use your natural talents and exploit your gifts to their fullest.
This indeed would be fulfilling. It is a picture of a person living according to what he, she or they value most.”
How else can values work for you?
Having read this far, I think you understand now how understanding your values will work for you.
But just in case here are some more examples …
- You can ensure your actions match your words
- You might find they can help you to lead a balanced life
- As, I already mentioned, it might help you make life decisions (not bad ones like me)
- You will be able to make more fulfilling choices
- Feeling a bit stuck – that is ok – go back to your values – use them to help you formulate your action plan!
- Use them to make professional and personal choices – are you looking at a company to work for or a university to attend? If you are not sure – perhaps they are not meeting your core values in some way?
- Perhaps you will become a little more self-aware
And one of the ways in which I use them is
I use them to let things and people from my life go. If they do not meet my values, then I choose to spend less time with them.
How to complete the task:
Look at the values worksheet. There is a large list of words but I want you to be ruthless.
If you read a word and you do not understand it, or it does not mean anything to you. Cross it out!
Don’t blink – do not second guess yourself. Just cross it out.
Why?
Well quite frankly, they are all good words so you might start thinking – oh rubbish that makes me a bad person if I cross that out. But I want you to remember these are words that mean something to you.
Some cautions – recognise that other people will have different values to you. Do not compare yourself to others.
As Theodore Roosevelt says – “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Accept that others are different.
Crossing your own values
If you do cross one of your own values, give yourself a break. It is hard to live hard and fast by them all – all of the time.
Most importantly, try and avoid pushing your values on others!
As that famous philosopher, Elvis Presley said, “Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s the same, but you leave them all over everything you do!”
How to complete the task continued:
You are looking for a reaction within yourself from the words.
- Is there a reaction in your body when you read the word?
- Do you feel the word?
- Can you talk about it at length?
- How would you feel if I told you I am going to take the word away from you? So, you had to live without, fairness, kindness and so on a so forth in your life?
We are aiming for 10 words here! Maybe 12.
Once you have done the first part of eliminating the words that have no meaning. Continue to look for similar words.
- Does one mean more to you than the other? Great – cross out the word that means less.
- With the words you have left – what do you feel when you read the word?
- Can you talk about it at length?
- Does the word give you a good feeling?
- Does it catch in your throat?
Words jumping out:
Do you have a word that jumps out at you the most – Does it surprise you how strongly you feel about it?
To summarise
You have to look quite deeply to really understand yourself and your reaction to things that happen around you and to you. “Life events”
Do accept your values will alter as you go through life, but your core values will likely to remain – be open to this but also look for life events that reinforce some of the words you have established today.
And remember – seek happiness through them. This is a tool for you and your life.